It’s a Lonely Road

Posted on October 28, 2012 by Rob

This post has been inspired by a large number of ministry leaders that I have met with over the last year. You see, a big part of my job is to meet with leaders of other organizations and as AtG has been expanding and training partner sites, my time spent with Pastors and Directors of other groups has increased. It has been great to be able to listen and learn from others and it has also been good to be able to be a source of, as well as to receive, encouragement. But there is also a discouraging side of meeting and working with these men and women. We hear their stories and share their tears.

The sad reality is that being a leader in ministry is full of unrealistic expectations. You are always “on duty” and no one can jump as high as the bar is set. Pastors and ministry leader’s lives are under a constant microscope and so are their families. You can’t be open and honest with your struggles. You can’t share your pain and frustration and don’t ever lose your cool for even a second…it can only lead to problems. The truth is that ministering all day long is a lonely road.

We have had our own experiences with this over the last nine years. People have been offended, volunteers have quit, funding has been pulled and rumors have been started. All of this usually happens over expectations that cannot be met or lost confidence because perfection has not been attained. Now I don’t want this to sound like I am whining, that is not what this post is about. It’s about an awareness of the stress and frustrations felt by people who have dedicated their lives to helping others.

I got a call from an elder one day who asked to meet me for lunch. Before the waitress could even bring us our waters he said “Rob…I have to know. How are you doing with the Lord?” I told him that I was doing well, in fact, I felt closer to the Lord than I had in a very long time. The man raised his hands and said “Thank you Jesus…I had heard that you had walked away from the faith”. A misunderstanding of why I had taken a part-time job when they economy went bad had led to the silly rumors.

I have read a couple things lately that have really hit home concerning the pressure that ministry leaders are under. According to “Daring to Lead”, a study of 3,000 non-profit leaders performed every five years, two-third of these leaders plan to leave their positions in the next five years and 10% were currently planning their exit. 65% admitted to significant levels of anxiety caused by the economy. 70% experience loneliness and executives leading organizations that serve economically disadvantaged populations feel that they are facing a relentless demand for services far beyond their capacity to respond. It is a heartbreaking reality.

The situation for pastors is no better. According to H.B. London’s book “Pastors at Greater Risk” 57% would leave the pastorate if they had somewhere else to go or some other vocation they could do. 80% say that they have insufficient time with their spouse and that the ministry has a negative effect on their families. 70% say they have no close friends and 75% report severe stress causing anguish, worry, bewilderment, anger, depression, fear, and alienation. 1.500 pastors leave their positions every single month.

To those who may be considering the ministry. Here is some advice and warnings for your future. Grow very thick skin. Set healthy boundaries and stay on your knees. You have to remember that when you are on the front lines, you will be shot at. Unfortunately, much of the shooting will come from “friendly fire”. Don’t quit and don’t walk away, but make sure you are ready to be ridiculed and misunderstood more often than you are thanked and encouraged. Above all remember this…there is no greater calling than to serve others.

For those who go to church or know a ministry leader, give us a break. Try to remember that we are only humans. Try to remember that most of us have given up potential careers that would provide double what we receive. We don’t do this for the money or the fame…we do it because this is what we are created to do. Most of you get to go home and leave your work there, but we are never “off duty”. We are always ministers and there are always hurting people. When you get offended, and you will, remember that grace and patience are gifts to be given and not just received. Above all, support us, encourage us and pray for us…even when we say everything is fine.

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Love…and Love Well

Posted on October 15, 2012 by Rob

Here’s an old document that I had saved…since I haven’t published a post in a while and don’t have a lot of time to write one…I figured this one could go public.
Every day Meredith and I work with people who are hurting and broken. These are people who are seeking healing and truth. They are looking for real answers. They don’t want to hear “you are ok” or “you’ll be fine”. They want the real truth and they are willing to struggle and walk through hell to get it.
They need someone to listen. They don’t need to be told that the way they feel, the anger they have, the addiction they struggle with or any other behavior is wrong…they already know it. That’s why they are talking with us. They know that their lives are in shambles. They want peace, they want joy and they want to feel whole again. They don’t like the pain that they are causing for themselves and for others, but they can’t get past it…they need help.
They may start as our “clients” but very quickly become our “friends”. When someone becomes a friend it changes everything. You try to understand a friend, to help them and to love them well. I’ll tell you something else that happens when you truly care about people and they are your friends…you get angry when other people do damage to your friend. You get angry when your friend is struggling to overcome and work through a behavior and are attacked and belittled by others.
One of the biggest struggles we face is overcoming the judgment and words of condemnation they have received from “well meaning” Christians and the church. They want to believe that there is a God who loves them, but they certainly have not seen that love displayed by those who are supposed to be representing Him. They hear things like “that is horrible” “you’re nothing but a ______” (fill in the blank with any sin that you want – drug addiction, porn, same sex attraction or murder). I am not aware of anyone submitting their lives to Christ because they were told that they are going to hell because of ________.
Our problem as Christians is that it is easier to condemn someone than to walk through the pain and mess in their lives. It’s easier to throw stones than to sit and hear the pain and confusion that has caused the behaviors that we are sure God won’t forgive. We want to show them where they are wrong instead of understanding how they got to where they are. It seems we are too quick to display tough love than to love them through their junk.
Now don’t get me wrong…Jesus did care about the behavior, but He was much more interested in the person. Jesus never approved sin, but He loved the people who committed sin…and it’s a good thing He did or we would all be up a creek without a paddle. Jesus was truly an example of hating sin but loving people. For those who say you can’t separate the two…I’m sorry but you’re wrong. It is absolutely possible to love someone but hate their behavior. If you don’t think it’s so…you’ve never had children. There were many things that my children did that kept me up at night, but I never stopped loving them.
So let’s try something new. Let’s take the time to listen. Let’s show them that they are loved by our ability to stand with them when others are condemning them. Let’s sit quietly and listen to their stories. Let’s just love them…and love them well.

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Pet Peeves and Peace

Posted on August 25, 2012 by Rob

This morning I was finishing a study on 2 Thessalonians and Paul begins his closing thoughts this way.

16 Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way.

As I finished my time, I wrote a prayer in my devotional journal, “Lord, give me peace at all time and in every way.”

Shortly after that Meredith and I were out the door heading to the farmers market to pick up some things and low and behold what is in front of me on Hwy 31? A young girl doing 35 – 40 mph on a scooter in a 55 zone. Now someone going 5 – 10 mph under the speed limit is usually enough to get me fired up, but going 15 – 20 mph is ridiculous. My blood was getting ready to boil…it’s not like her scooter couldn’t go faster…it was a 125 cc bike. But that was not the worst part.

As a safety conscious motorcycle rider, I get really frustrated when bikers don’t follow good rules of the road. There are some safety precautions that can be taken to allow other drivers see you better and be safer while you ride. Well this young lady, who was already asking to get run over as people were passing her in no passing zones, was not following good rules of the road, she kept hugging the right edge of the road. I’m sure she meant well but the first rule of riding is to establish ownership of the lane. You do that by placing yourself in the left side of the lane. She was just begging someone to try and pass her without crossing the yellow lines.

All of the sudden it hit me. I had prayed that God would give me peace at all times and in every way and sure enough…he hit me with two of my biggest pet peeves; slow drivers and bikers that don’t know what they’re doing.

This got me thinking about how I view things. I don’t think I’m alone in my desire to have peace, but  I’m realizing that I’ve been going about it the wrong way. Over the last 47 years I have golfed, boated, hiked, walked, run, ridden my motorcycle and spent time in the woods, all in an attempt to relieve stress and unwind. But my focus has been on reducing stress…not gaining peace. I learned this morning that to have peace…I need to focus on God more than my circumstances.  I need to keep the big picture in mind and remember that God is in control. Lesson learned for the day, let’s hope I remember today’s lesson…tomorrow.

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What You Leave Behind

Posted on August 7, 2012 by Rob

I was going through my computer this morning and found an old note that I had written several years ago. I didn’t have a blog back then…it was just some thoughts that I wanted to capture. I thought it was worth sharing so here it is.

I remember back when my oldest daughter, at the age of 18 left home.  She had decided to take some time off between high school and college to figure out life.  After multiple attempts by her mother and me to keep her close to home, so we could help her with these decisions and with emergencies that may arise, she chose a location 600 miles away.  She needed distance…distance to figure out what she was going to do…distance to figure out who she was going to be…she was going to begin a new life on her terms.

The day finally came.  All the arrangements had been made, the job transfer to the new location, housing and transportation concerns had all been worked out.  Now it was my responsibility as a father to take her to her new home and let her go.

As the trip began we reminisced about old times.  We laughed until we cried about the times that we had shared while she was growing up. We took a trip through our past to all of the skinned knees and broken hearts…all the things that I (as a father) could not help but think about as I took my little girl to her new life.  I knew that this was my last act as the “father of her childhood”.

As we grew closer to her new home my thoughts began to race with panic and I began to feel my last few chances to pass on words of wisdom to my baby slipping away.  In just a few short hours our relationship would change forever.  I quickly composed myself and thought there are two things that I want her to hold onto forever.  First, we talked about the challenges and temptations that she may face as a young lady out on her own, and then we talked about her faith and the foundational things that she had been taught.

That night as I was going to bed I realized that there was one more thing that I wanted her to hold on to as the last words from her father.  So that night as she slept in the next room I wrote her a letter.  This letter contained the main theme that I wanted to pass on to my child.  This is part of what I wrote.  “I always want you to remember that no matter where you go or what circumstances you find yourself in…I will always be your daddy and you will always be my little girl”.  We are never promised tomorrow and these may have been the last words I would have ever been able to pass on to my child.  I wanted her to know above all else the love of her father.

This experience made me think about the importance of last words.  In reading Acts 1, we see the last words of Jesus, the last thought that He wanted his disciples to hold on to when He was gone…the instructions for the rest of their lives.  “You will be my witnesses”.  Jesus was saying that they would be the ones to testify as to who He was. After spending the last few years learning from Jesus, they were going to be His first representatives to the rest of the world.  They did not have a choice in this, by default their actions, what they did with the training they had received, would be a statement for the rest of eternity to what they had learned from Jesus Christ.

What are your last words? Out of all you have learned in your life, what are you passing on to others? More importantly, what are you passing on to your children? No matter what else you have accumulated in your life, that is really what you are going to leave behind. Because they are going to represent what you taught them, good or bad, your legacy will live through your children. By default…they will be your witnesses.

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Conversations From the Road – “I HATE THE CHURCH”

Posted on July 15, 2012 by Rob

Meredith and I have been doing a lot of traveling lately, meeting with other organizations who are interested in offering The 180 Program in their local communities. While we travel, we also meet new people. For the last several years it has been my nature to want to hear people’s stories and in our line of work we talk with a lot of people who are hurting and are searching for answers. I ask open-ended questions and let the conversations go where they will. In the 17 day trip that we just completed I had 40 – 50 conversations with people, most of whom I had never met before. These conversations were about work, family and life in general. It is amazing how easy it is to discover what is important to people and what effects their way of thinking.

These most recent conversations reminded me of several other conversations I have had throughout the years. While I find it interesting to hear all the different opinions, viewpoints and stories, there are several things I have learned that hurt and sadden me. I am not going to cover all of them in this post, but focus on the one that probably hurts me the most.

What often keeps me awake at night is the number of people we have talked to who say “I HATE THE CHURCH”. This statement is made more often then you may think and is made by people who have been hurt by Christians and the church. Meredith and I have met with hundreds people who will never step foot in a church again because of the pain they have experienced in their past. We have heard horrific stories with the worst kinds of offenses by Christians…stories that just break your heart. How is possible that those of us who are supposed to be sharing the “Good News” of Christ can use Him as a weapon against hurting people? And how is it possible for Christian leaders to abuse their power? I have absolutely disgusted with some of the stories we heard.

We have heard stories from people who were told that they would not be allowed inside the church again until they stood before the body and publically apologized for their actions. Then there are those who were publically ridiculed by their leader, even though that leader had been a partner in the events the night before. There are those who have been told they didn’t dress well enough to attend and those who needed to get a haircut before coming to the altar to meet Jesus.

Do we not understand that we represent Christ? And if we can’t be trusted…than neither can He. They really and truly want hope…they want to believe that there is a Christ that would love them, but they have never seen that displayed by many Christians and the church. They believe that the way we treat them is the same way that Jesus would treat them.

Now you may be reading this and say “that’s not my church” or “I would never do that to someone” and that may be very well be true, but they don’t know that. The people in their past have focused on their failures, shortcomings and sin and point to all the things that separate them from Christ. As far as they know…you and every other Christian is exactly alike.

So what do we do? How do we reverse the damage that most of Christianity did in the past and many in Christianity are still doing today? How do we let people know that Jesus will love and except them?

Well here are a few Dos and Don’ts of effectively reaching the lost and hurting.

Do listen to their story and Don’t interrupt. Asking questions is fine but if you continue to interject their failures they will shut down and the conversation will be over.

Do listen to their heart and Don’t judge. If you are willing to hear their heart you just may understand how and why they are hurting. It will also give you great insight to their reasons for not trusting Jesus.

Do listen to their pain and Don’t be shocked. On our last trip I was having coffee with a man whose life was falling apart around him. Early on he shared some of his past. Later in the meeting he told me “If you had even blinked when I told you that…this conversation would have been over”.

Do show them a loving Father and Don’t try to fix them. Christians have spent way too much time pointing out the failures of others and it’s not our job to get rid of the “big sins” so that people will be ready to meet Jesus. Present a loving God who will accept them as they are…it’s the Holy Spirits job to convict them of sin and not ours.

Now I’m not saying you have to agree with their choices or their life, but you can learn a lot about people when you try to understand them. God created ministry to happen in relational settings. So let’s go out and develop relationships with people. Share your life and let them share theirs.

You may just be amazed at what God can do when you just love people enough to listen.

 

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Hypocrisy – It’s Part of the Deal

Posted on May 21, 2012 by Rob

One of the biggest complaints I have heard about Christianity is that we are a bunch of hypocrites. There are times when this is just a way to end a conversation and sometimes it is the result of a legitimate complaint against the church. Either way, “you Christians are a bunch of hypocrites” has been used by many as a reason not to attend a church or claim Christ at all. The sad reality is…their right. Christianity is full of a bunch of hypocrites. I’m a hypocrite and (if you call yourself a Christian) you’re a hypocrite. It’s just part of the deal of claiming the name of Christ.

A Christian (by definition) is “1: a – One who professes belief in the teachings of Jesus Christ”. A Hypocrite, on the other hand, is defined in the following terms.
noun \ˈhi-pə-ˌkrit\
1
: a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion
2
: a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings

I fail to represent Christ well every day. I lose my temper, am impatient and I won’t even profess to always have “Godly” thoughts when I look at a woman. I can’t live according to the perfect standard that was established in Christ. Christ clearly says that I am supposed to “love my neighbor as myself” and I know it but don’t do it. I am a selfish person who is focused on my comfort and my security. So being a Christian is actually taking on the title of hypocrite.

The question is how you respond to that label. Do you embrace it or have remorse? If you live however you want and use “grace” as a get out of jail free card, then you are embracing your hypocrisy. If, on the other hand, you are open and honest with your sin, share your struggles and failures with others and look for ways to overcome the sin and temptation that surrounds you than you have remorse. Sadly, there are many “Christians” who embrace their hypocrisy.

The world is watching and this isn’t a game. I once heard a man speaking about his behavior when he first became a Christian. The man who led him to Christ was walking past one day and whispered in his ear “quit telling people you’re a Christian”. “What do you mean?” he responded. “You’re giving the rest of us a bad name”. The man realized he had become exactly what he hated about Christians.

That’s the challenge I give you today. Either put up or shut up. Stop embracing hypocrisy and live radically for Christ.

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Can’ts, Don’ts and Won’ts

Posted on April 14, 2012 by Rob

Monday I was meeting with a friend who is a pastor of a very large church. This church has an entire ministry through their website, in which they broadcast their live services (start to finish), and they have over 5,000 people who are part of their online community. It’s a really cool ministry that meets people where they are…and they have had people accept Christ via the internet.

As we talked we hit the topic of why people would watch the church online versus coming to the physical service on Sunday mornings. It hit me that there are three different groups of people who would watch; those who can’t, those who don’t and those who won’t join us on a Sunday morning. My friend told me that he thinks I have hit on something and we continued. As I went through the week this conversation and the three groups of people continued to rattle around in my head. I learned that people who watch online each Sunday morning represent our entire society that can’t, don’t or won’t darken the doors of our churches. Here’s what I came up with.

CAN’TS – PHYSICALLY UNABLE – There is a large group of people who are part of the online community who are shut-ins or are too far away from a service to attend. One woman lives in another country and there isn’t a church within 40 miles. There are several that are elderly and can’t drive and don’t have family or a support system to get them to church. They want to be part of the service but CAN’T.

DON’TS – APATHETIC – This may be the largest group. These are the ones who are uninterested…they don’t see the value in walking into a church service. I meet people every day who really don’t care about the church and have never thought about the spiritual side of life. They are just tooling around doing their own thing not concerned or aware of the eternal…or maybe they figure they will go to church when they get a little older. Whatever their reason…they could be a part of service but they DON’T.

WON’TS – HATRED AND DISTRUST – This is the group that bothers me the most. They have had experiences with the church and didn’t find the loving God that Christians claim to serve. Some of them found a group of judgmental hypocrites that are happy to cast the first stone while others have been severely damaged by a leader or prominent member. In the last nine years we have heard horrible stories of abuse (physically, emotionally, mentally and sexually) and have had pastors show up to our classes in jail after a conviction of drugs or sexual abuse…these men did not practice what they preach and the world is watching. The personal experiences of the won’ts, with the church (and by extension God), has driven a wedge between them and the church and they just WON’T.

The point is that Christians have been called to go to those outside the church and love others in the name of Jesus. The problem is we are so focused on our Bible studies, life-groups, kids programs and our comfort that we separate ourselves from the very people we are called to serve. Jesus said “Go…” and has many times as I have read Matthew 28, I have yet to see “when you have time” “when it’s convenient” or “if you are gifted at evangelism”. No excuses…He just said go.

I have overheard or been a part conversations that make my point (no…I wasn’t eaves dropping…it is the curse of having really good hearing and being able to differentiate multiple conversations at the same time and understand them all). The first was a group of women eating lunch at the next table in Brentwood. “I was talking to these people that aren’t Christians…I couldn’t believe it…I guess I just live in a bubble because I just don’t know people like that”. Another conversation was in Franklin between some friends who were catching up, one of which was apparently from out of town “the churches in our town won’t go help in the community because they don’t have time…but they sell out the men’s retreat every year”. The last conversation was with a volunteer in a children’s tutoring program “We won’t be coming back…I don’t want my kids around THOSE people”.

As my thoughts continued about the can’ts, don’ts and won’ts I realized…there are only three types of Christians who fail to love and serve those outside the church. CAN’TS – they are PHYSICALLY UNABLE to go and serve. DON’TS – they are APATHETIC about serving Christ. WON’TS – they HATE AND DISTRST those outside the church. If you claim the name of Christ and are not actively serving…which one are you?

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Who Wins?

Posted on March 28, 2012 by Rob

My heart breaks as I follow the Trayvon Martin/George Zimmerman tragedy. The death of this young man is a senseless killing. There are so many scenarios that could have prevented this from ever happening. I hurt for the families. I can’t imagine what Trayvon’s parents must be going through as they are forced to accept the horrible death of their son. There is also pain for the Zimmerman family, his wife and children are the victims on the other side. They are the collateral damage of hatred that is pointed at the husband and father. I even feel for George Zimmerman. If he is a vigilante…I pray for a man with that much hatred…if it was an accident…he will have to life with this for the rest of his life.

But there is a much bigger tragedy in all of this. What could be worse than the senseless death of this young man? What is worse than a man’s hatred or uttering racial slurs? As horrible as this is…there is a bigger problem.

People are lining up on both sides of the fence spewing hatred. Social media sites are blowing up, on both sides of this battle, with pictures and information that can’t possibly be true.  The overload of information has gotten so bad that I don’t know the true details that happened that night…and neither do you. There is story after story with completely contradictory statements from supposedly “reliable” sources, but we have chosen sides and are now building our cases.

One side says Trayvon was a perfect child who was never part of any wrong doing in his life. Pictures of a cute little nine year old boy are broadcast to support their case. We learn that he was an A, B student…a football player. He was a child who was going to get Skittles and Iced Tea during halftime while he watched the NBA All-star game with his father. Zimmerman on the other hand is menace to society…a self-appointed sheriff…looking for someone to kill.

This side of the battle supports their case with pictures of Treyvon and Jesus. As Jesus puts a robe on his back the caption reads “This is Treyvon’s new hoodie”. The next picture is a side by side with a KKK hood and a young black man with a hoodie with the caption that reads “which hood looks suspicious to you?” This side is encouraging calls for “NO JUSTICE, NO PEACE” and tweeting the address of an elderly couple.

On the other side we have Trayvon as a troubled teen who was at his father’s girlfriend’s house because he was kicked out of school for drugs. They show social media pictures of a rough looking kid in a wife beater who is flipping off the camera. Zimmerman is made out to be a hero who was defending himself from a thug who attacked him for trying to protect his neighborhood. There are stories of him helping to make an arrest and stopping a crime earlier this year.

The big question is – Who wins from all this hatred? This hatred is being used by people on both sides of the fence to polarize and divide us. This hatred is tearing down many of the bridges of reconciliation that have been built but are far from complete.  We are pressured to choose sides but the reality is that neither side is worried about the truth…they are only worried about winning. They are doing their best to score points at all costs and get people riled up for their side of the fight. Unfortunately, Christians have fallen into the trap and are firmly planting their feet on both sides.

But where is Jesus in all of this? Jesus calls for justice. Jesus calls us to stand up and speak for victims.

Jesus died for Trayvon Martin…and Jesus died for George Zimmerman. Jesus calls us to unity. Jesus calls us to peace and Jesus is not found in hatred. Does Jesus call us to divide? Does He call us to choose sides in matters who know little about? Does Jesus endorse the hatred and calls for violence?

From national leaders to local leaders to those who sleep in the pews; Christians are making divisive statements and accusations. Asking…even cornering people to choose a side. They claim to represent Christ, but that is not the Jesus that I know and read about and you are not representing Him. And if you are not representing Christ…then who are you representing?

I am asking…even begging Christians to stop. Quit spewing the hatred. Quit trying to put up provocative posts and tweets that get people to visit your page, follow your tweets or join your side (whichever motive suits you best). Just shut up. Stop the fighting and dividing and pray. Pray for justice. Pray for peace. Pray that Christ will be glorified. Pray that His Kingdom will come and His Will will be done.

Because if this is not a “WIN” for Jesus then who is really benefiting from the hate?

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Reflections after Valentines Day

Posted on February 15, 2012 by Rob

Many have commented and liked my Valentines Facebook status from last night – ”Just continued a 27 year old Valentines tradition. Meredith and I go to the store…pick out the cards…exchange them and put them back…Hey…we were broke when we met and couldn’t afford the cards…Now it’s just romantic and fun”. So far 29 people have “liked” that status and 15 comments have been made. Everyone seems to think it is cute and/or romantic with one response being “By far the best post ever!” but the 27 years have not always been fun and they have certainly not been easy.  I often tell people that Meredith and I have been happily married for 18 years and we are celebrating 27 in May.

We have been through a lot in that 27 years. There have been times when one or both of us wanted to quit and there were times when staying together was the easiest decision of the day. In the last 27 years we have dealt with anger, we have called each other names, we have gone behind each others backs, we have yelled, we have sabotaged each other, we have ignored each other when we heard the other one calling. We have struggled with finances, we have moved from a 4 bedroom house in the county into a 2 bedroom apartment in a rat-hole of a complex. We have worked through rebellious kids, infidelity on both sides and crisis. There have been times of intense hatred and blissful love. There have been times when both of us have said “I can’t go on…it is hopeless…there is no recovering from this”.

We have been separated and we have drawn up divorce papers. We knew it was over, I wanted it and Meredith had accepted it. But God (my two favorite words in the Bible) had a different plan for us, and He has a different plan for you.  Over the last year our hearts have broken as we have seen friends and family go through painful divorces. None of the reasons have been outside of the same experiences that Meredith and I have used…infidelity, finances, hatred, rebellious kids and I just don’t feel like being married anymore.

I know that many of you are hurting and many marriages are on the brink of disaster. You feel like quitting or have already given up. I beg of you…please don’t quit. Please don’t walk away. Hang in there…don’t create permanent solutions for a temporary crisis. You may not like your spouse…you may even hate your spouse right now. It will get better.

We all have heard that our kids will recover and they will understand…but often that is a lie we tell ourselves to justify our behavior. I cannot tell you the number of people that we work with who have told us that their downward spiral began with their parents getting divorced. We used that line ourselves. Your kids will be deeply affected and hurt through this.

My experience has shown that when I feel like I am ready to walk away is when I am most focused on myself. That is not love. That is not what I committed to. I committed to love and serve my wife sacrificially and she has committed to respect and serve me in the same manner. If we focus on the needs of our spouses and commit to walk through our marriage as servants…God will heal what has been broken. Feelings are only temporary and will change.

I often wonder what our lives would have turned out like if we had followed through on the divorce. I had visions of freedom but I know I would have been lonely and the scars would have been carried for the rest of my life. Today, as I sit here writing this and think about all the work that we are doing through AtG, which we never would have accomplished if we had quit, I thank God that stuck it out. The thousands of families that now have hope to rebuild their lives, may have remained in their destructive cycles or have they may given up completely if we had given up also.

If you are living in what you believe to be a hopeless marriage. Please call Meredith and I. We don’t have a nicely packaged program guaranteed to fix what ails you and we don’t know all the answers, but we are willing to listen and walk with you. Don’t give up. Don’t walk away and know we are here.

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A Year of Signficance

Posted on January 1, 2012 by Rob

It’s been several months since I have written a blog post so I figured New Years Day would be a good way to start out 2012. No resolution…I made a resolution to give those up a few years ago. I just have to organize these random thoughts that run through my head.

I don’t know if any of you have ever noticed this but New Years seems to be a time when people like to put their house in order and make resolutions for how they are going to live differently.  As I have read the posts on Facebook, Twitter, emails and new articles I have been a little disappointed to see what we really put as the most important things in our lives. Here is a top 10 list from a paper in Pittsburgh.

  1. Spend more time with family and friends
  2. Take time to get fit
  3. Tame the bulge
  4. Quit smoking
  5. Enjoy life more
  6. Quit drinking
  7. Get out of debt
  8. Learn something new
  9. Help others
  10. Get organized

Several others include: Saving more money, reading more books, take a cruise, seeing a national park/monument, take in a Broadway play and not sacrificing today for the future.

While all of these are fine, in fact some of them are fantastic…number 9, on the above list, should be moved way up. I don’t want to sound too much like Tom Cruise in the movie Jerry Maguire, but he was right. “We live in a cynical world…a cynical, cynical world”. We are selfish. We focus so much of our time and attention on ourselves, our happiness and our comfort.  We say we want to serve, but our lives get in the way.

Question – Have you ever done anything that truly required risking yourselves to better the world? We say we want to leave this place better than we found it, but we are too busy caring for ourselves to actually do something about it. How about we come up with a new list for 2012? Maybe it could look something like this.

  • Live with significance
  • Sacrifice my desires for others.
  • Serve more faithfully.
  • Give without expecting anything in return.
  • See the world through God’s eyes.

Let’s make 2012 a year to serve others and leave an eternal impact.

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