Meredith and I have been doing a lot of traveling lately, meeting with other organizations who are interested in offering The 180 Program in their local communities. While we travel, we also meet new people. For the last several years it has been my nature to want to hear people’s stories and in our line of work we talk with a lot of people who are hurting and are searching for answers. I ask open-ended questions and let the conversations go where they will. In the 17 day trip that we just completed I had 40 – 50 conversations with people, most of whom I had never met before. These conversations were about work, family and life in general. It is amazing how easy it is to discover what is important to people and what effects their way of thinking.
These most recent conversations reminded me of several other conversations I have had throughout the years. While I find it interesting to hear all the different opinions, viewpoints and stories, there are several things I have learned that hurt and sadden me. I am not going to cover all of them in this post, but focus on the one that probably hurts me the most.
What often keeps me awake at night is the number of people we have talked to who say “I HATE THE CHURCH”. This statement is made more often then you may think and is made by people who have been hurt by Christians and the church. Meredith and I have met with hundreds people who will never step foot in a church again because of the pain they have experienced in their past. We have heard horrific stories with the worst kinds of offenses by Christians…stories that just break your heart. How is possible that those of us who are supposed to be sharing the “Good News” of Christ can use Him as a weapon against hurting people? And how is it possible for Christian leaders to abuse their power? I have absolutely disgusted with some of the stories we heard.
We have heard stories from people who were told that they would not be allowed inside the church again until they stood before the body and publically apologized for their actions. Then there are those who were publically ridiculed by their leader, even though that leader had been a partner in the events the night before. There are those who have been told they didn’t dress well enough to attend and those who needed to get a haircut before coming to the altar to meet Jesus.
Do we not understand that we represent Christ? And if we can’t be trusted…than neither can He. They really and truly want hope…they want to believe that there is a Christ that would love them, but they have never seen that displayed by many Christians and the church. They believe that the way we treat them is the same way that Jesus would treat them.
Now you may be reading this and say “that’s not my church” or “I would never do that to someone” and that may be very well be true, but they don’t know that. The people in their past have focused on their failures, shortcomings and sin and point to all the things that separate them from Christ. As far as they know…you and every other Christian is exactly alike.
So what do we do? How do we reverse the damage that most of Christianity did in the past and many in Christianity are still doing today? How do we let people know that Jesus will love and except them?
Well here are a few Dos and Don’ts of effectively reaching the lost and hurting.
Do listen to their story and Don’t interrupt. Asking questions is fine but if you continue to interject their failures they will shut down and the conversation will be over.
Do listen to their heart and Don’t judge. If you are willing to hear their heart you just may understand how and why they are hurting. It will also give you great insight to their reasons for not trusting Jesus.
Do listen to their pain and Don’t be shocked. On our last trip I was having coffee with a man whose life was falling apart around him. Early on he shared some of his past. Later in the meeting he told me “If you had even blinked when I told you that…this conversation would have been over”.
Do show them a loving Father and Don’t try to fix them. Christians have spent way too much time pointing out the failures of others and it’s not our job to get rid of the “big sins” so that people will be ready to meet Jesus. Present a loving God who will accept them as they are…it’s the Holy Spirits job to convict them of sin and not ours.
Now I’m not saying you have to agree with their choices or their life, but you can learn a lot about people when you try to understand them. God created ministry to happen in relational settings. So let’s go out and develop relationships with people. Share your life and let them share theirs.
You may just be amazed at what God can do when you just love people enough to listen.